My activities on the website tend to fluctuate, because I clearly do not always have the inspiration to write, though I do want to write more than I do. I was told that maybe even with the right contacts or plots, I could be a professional writer, which would be pretty awesome.
Because you see: I am chronically tired and sick, but I work 4 whole days in selfemployment (from home) while also managing the household and taking care of my two children when they are home from school.
What exactly is wrong with me? Well… I was born addicted as a baby, because my mother had used Rohypnol as a prescription drug to sleep while hospitalized and while I was not premature, I was definitely dysmature when I was born. I weighed about a kilo less than the average babygirl on full term was supposed to weigh (2415 grams). A bad side effect of being born addicted apparently was that I had developed hypertonia, which made it impossible for me to relax the muscles in my body. As a result, even as a newborn infant, my entore body was tensed up, where it was supposed to be relaxed.
How did they “treat” this? Well, they basically let me sleep in a hammock, because it was physically impossible for me to tense up the way I did then. But that was just fighting the symptoms really, rather than looking at the cause. And as a result, in times of great stress, my entire neck, shoulders and back tense up to the point I am in unbearable pain, still (I am 40 years old now).
Aside from that, I am also suffering from a severe form of Vitamin D deficiency, I have lived for years with Mono Nucleosis (without knowing this and thus it was never treated) and I have struggled with depression from age 18 onwards. I used to medicate for the depression, but I hated how very neutral my emotions were, so I stopped using them on my own initiative.
Right now, I do not know what is wrong with me, but I am seriously struggling physically at the moment. I am having these dizzy spells and lightheadedness, my neck, shoulders and back are hurting terribly, to the point where I am taking pain medication, while I prefer not to, just to be able to sleep. It also feels like I am wearing a weighted vest and my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is flaring up too. My appetite is practically non-existent, I am nauseous and I could sleep where I am stood. So I would appreciate it if you all could keep me in your prayers while I try to handle this.
You are in my prayers, daily!